I was struggling with my minimalist mindset today. We just arrived in Bangkok, and I am not particularly happy to be here (strong air pollution, extremely massive city, having to take expensive taxis to get around).
Rather than facing the wild cityscape today, I found myself Googling for new desks. My desk is already very small, but I found myself wanting one that could fold up and be stowed away. I spent at least 1 hour researching vintage ironing boards as an option (which seemed very viable, but I don’t think it would be sturdy enough to hold my sewing machine). After that failed, I was on Amazon looking for ways to create a sliding drawer for my keyboard. After that, an extendable tray for a mouse. Then, I caught myself. But I didn’t want to stop. It was very hard to.
There is a strong correlation between feeling like I am not enough and feeling like I don’t have a enough. I have been struggling with body image recently. I find myself dissociating and not feeling embodied. I feel like I am not a strong enough woman or not healed enough or not *insert negative word here* enough. Then try to look up new things (haircuts, items, etc) I could get, so that I could feel “more myself.”
I find that holding space for days like these and trying to not judge myself for needing these is the best thing I can do. This blog is my way of tracking this vicious cycle and breaking it. Stay tuned.